 Dear Free, I need some advice on a situation that I’m dealing with that involves a close friend of mine let’s just say she’s unstable and confused. My friend started dating this guy the later end of last year and every since she started dating him I haven’t really heard much from her, I ran into her a couple months ago and we finally caught up and she told me that he got locked up earlier that day. She also revealed to me that he physically abuses her when he gets upset she showed me all the marks he left, her eye was swollen and black, she had scratches and bit marks all over her face, hands and neck. I was so upset after seeing that but I was also relieved for my friend that he was locked up and that she wasn’t going to have to go through that anymore, or at least I thought. I found out she was still talking to him the whole time he was locked up and that he recently just came home, and to make matters worse she went out and got an apartment and they were moving in together! I seen pictures of them on social media and seen that she had converted Muslim ( to be with him) and she was fully dressed in her garments and that they were getting married!!! I recently got a text message from her asking me to be her maid of honor, at this point I was just plain confused. I asked her why she needed me to be her maid of honor if she was Muslim now? She responded that she was having a regular wedding. Free I need your help! How can I tell her that I will not be apart of that union without hurting her feelings? Now first let me say this, I respect all religions and this has nothing to do with either one of them being Muslim. I will not be part of that union because just a couple months ago he was physically abusing her and I seen the marks with my own eyes, I think she’s moving way to fast! I’m also confused on how to address the situation about her being a now Muslim but having a regular wedding seems a bit confusing to me and I just don’t know how to bring it up or if I should bring it up? PLEASE HELP!!! Just Plain confused!  Dear Just Plain Confused You said more than a mouth-full. First, I want to address the domestic abuse. Many people can't understand why many women (men too get abused quiet as it is kept) remain in an abusive relationship. For those of us who have not been subjected to this life style may be perplexed, but the truth is anyone can be a prey of domestic violence. There is NO "typical type or certain victim." Victims comes from all walks of life, all cultures, various age groups, every community, all levels of education, many economic groups, all religious sects, ect. Outsiders will think it comes from low self-esteem or no self-worth. Every relationship differs, but what is most common within all abusive relationships is the diverse strategies used by abusers to gain and keep power and control over the victim. Sad to say that every area of a victim's life may be affected,. Even when a victim has the means to escape safely and stay safe, he or she may have already developed and in most cases permanent effects to their mental health, physical health; relationships with family, social interaction with friends, their children; their career may spiral downward; their economic well-being. may dwindle; in addition to a host of other factors. I could go on and on and on on this subject. At the end, I am going give you some information to perhaps give your friend in love and also for your own knowledge, because knowledge is power, for I believe the more we know about a subject, the more we will empathetic, loving, non judgmental, and kind. You say it is confusing not understanding why she is mixing the two religions for the wedding. May be that is not for you to understand, may be it could be that she does not fully understand, may be she will change her mind. Remember, victims experience a host of emotional highs and lows. Nevertheless, let me suggest to you that you should reexamine your reasons for not wanting to be in her wedding. You may find that you have another or other reasons for not desiring to be involved, such as finances, time, commitment, or your own emotional feelings. I think you should be honest and tell her, because I find that honesty is the best policy even if it hurts. Why: because in the long run, people will respect the truth and not respect a lie. Also, that way, you leave the door open for the friendship to remain in tact. Who knows, one day your friend may be ready to sever the relationship and the information you give her (when you feel she is ready to receive it) may aid in saving her life. I hope you are no longer Just Plain Confused. Blessings Free IMMEDIATE DANGER CALL 911 Get a Protection Order (visit your local court system) This is the women's law project web site. there is an abundance of resources and information on here. https://www.womenslawproject.org/information-resources/domestic-violence/ For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now. 
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Cris has a passion for rendering her many gifts and talents to help benefit others. She has 29 years in the human service profession. Her love for writing was engraved in her as a child. She would spend many hours writing poems, songs, and short stories. Now, she has turned that love into a daily feedback forum. It is her hope that if one person is encouraged to be free, then her passion is not in vain. We are changing lives through motivation and inspiration. Be blessed!
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