Dear Free,
 I need some advice on a situation that I’m dealing with that involves a close friend of mine let’s just say she’s unstable and confused. My friend started dating this guy the later end of last year and every since she started dating him I haven’t really heard much from her, I ran into her a couple months ago and we finally caught up and she told me that he got locked up earlier that day. She also revealed to me that he physically abuses her when he gets upset she showed me all the marks he left,  her eye was swollen and black, she had scratches and bit marks all over her face, hands and neck.  I was so upset after seeing that but I was also relieved for my friend that he was locked up and that she wasn’t going to have to go through that anymore, or at least I thought. I found out she was still talking to him the whole time he was locked up and that he recently just came home, and to make matters worse she went out and got an apartment and they were moving in together! I seen pictures of them on social media and seen that she had converted Muslim ( to be with him)  and she was fully dressed in her garments and that they were getting married!!! I recently got a text message from her asking me to be her maid of honor, at this point I was just plain confused. I asked her why she needed me to be her maid of honor if she was Muslim now? She responded that she was having a regular wedding.  Free I need your help! How can I tell her that I will not be apart of that union without hurting her feelings? Now first let me say this, I respect all religions and this has nothing to do with either one of them being Muslim. I will not be part of that union because just a couple months ago he was physically abusing her and I seen the marks with my own eyes, I think she’s moving way to fast! I’m also confused on how to address the situation about her being a now Muslim but having a regular wedding seems a bit confusing to me and I just don’t know how to bring it up or if I should bring it up? PLEASE HELP!!!
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 Just Plain confused!
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​Dear Just Plain Confused
     You said more than a mouth-full. First, I want to address the domestic abuse. Many people can't understand why many women (men too get abused quiet as it is kept) remain in an abusive relationship. For those of us who have not been subjected to this life style may be perplexed, but the truth is anyone can be a prey of domestic violence. There is NO "typical type or certain victim." Victims comes from all walks of life, all cultures, various age groups, every community, all levels of education, many economic groups, all religious sects, ect. Outsiders will think it comes from low self-esteem or no self-worth. Every relationship differs, but what is most common within all abusive relationships is the diverse strategies used by abusers to gain and keep power and control over the victim. Sad to say that every area of a victim's life may be affected,. Even when a victim has the means to escape safely and stay safe, he or she may have already developed and in most cases permanent effects to their mental health,  physical health; relationships with family, social interaction with friends, their children; their career may spiral downward;  their economic well-being. may dwindle; in addition to a host of other factors.  I could go on and on and on on this subject. At the end, I am going give you some information to perhaps give your friend in love and also for your own knowledge, because knowledge is power, for I believe the more we know about a subject, the more we will empathetic, loving, non judgmental, and kind. You say it is confusing not understanding why she is mixing the two religions for the wedding. May be that is not for you to understand, may be it could be that she does not fully understand, may be she will change her mind. Remember, victims experience a host of emotional highs and lows. Nevertheless, let me suggest to you that you should reexamine your reasons for not wanting to be in her wedding.  You may find that you have another or other reasons for not desiring to be involved, such as finances, time, commitment, or your own emotional feelings.  I think you should be honest and tell her, because I find that honesty is the best policy even if it hurts. Why: because in the long run, people will respect the truth and not respect a lie.  Also, that way, you leave the door open for the friendship to remain in tact. Who knows, one day your friend may be ready to sever the relationship and the information you give her (when you feel she is ready to receive it) may aid in saving her life. I hope you are no longer Just Plain Confused. 
​Blessings Free

IMMEDIATE DANGER CALL 911
Get a Protection Order (visit your local court system) This is the women's law project web site. there is an abundance of resources and information on here. https://www.womenslawproject.org/information-resources/domestic-violence/
For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

                                      https://www.wcfarkansas.org/cycle-of-domestic-violence

Dear Free
My name is Sadness. I believe this way, because I have made an unforgivable mistake that will haunt me the rest of my life. As a child, I had a unstoppable drive to be successful. Today, I am a well renown account. I had my life all planned out. There was never any room in my thoughts for a husband, and children were nonessential in my world. I have traveled around the world, have a blooming career, and moreover, I have never wanted for romance. Now that I am older all these things appear unimportant. The travel has played-out, the career has burnt me out, and the need for romance is undesirable. I want to pour all the love I have into someone. I want to invest my finances into someone, and I want to cultivate a rewarding career into someone. I want that someone to be a child, my very own child. The problem is I am beyond my childbearing years. Never being able to watch my stomach grow, feel the heels of my unborn baby kick, and most of all, I will never experience the miracle of birthing a living being into the world. At times, I get so depressed I can't get out of bed, I go days without eating, and the doors of my business are closed more that open. What can I do to feel whole and complete?

Dear Sadness:
     Let me start out by saying, I will email you a list of therapist in your area to further help you process those pinned-up feelings. Seeking professional assistance will be an excellent path to follow. Now, let me commend you on sharing your story. I believe there are others that can connect with these feelings. As my response helps you on your journey (and I am fully persuaded it will), it will also help others. You said that you have a wealth of love to share. While biologically it may be too late to physically give birth, ( your disclosure), it is not too late to impart all that love into a child's life. Loving, caring, and kind people are needed in the world of children. There are so many children of all ages waiting/needing to be mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually embraced.  One behavior I work on and encourage others to work on is self-forgiveness. It is easy to blame self for what we deem as poor decisions, and/or horrible mistakes.   You see, not all mistakes are irreversible and not all poor decisions are engraved in stone. In fact, your life has turned out GREAT!. Why? Because, those mistakes, those poor decisions, those moments of sadness have prepared you for a journey of boundless love for a child you never perceived sharing your life.   There is a lesson for us all to learn and that lesson is take that same negative energy and use it to seek an alternative solution. There is a wonderful child in this huge world waiting for the deluge of love flowing from your heart.  All you have to do is seek and your will find. You will not be disappointed. There is an adoption agency waiting to hear from you.  Go and get your child! God bless you. Please keep me posted on your new expedition of motherhood. 
Blessings
Free

Dear Free
 I am 40-year-old Christian female. I have been saved for over 10 years, and I love the Lord with all my heart. I am very active in my church, and I am on the missionary board, the Pastor’s Aide, the Intercessory Prayer Team. In fact, my pastor has recognized the call on my life to be an Evangelist.  As a result,  I am up for ordination by the end of the year. With all that said, I have a major confession to make. I am attracted to a very nice man. He is intelligent, he is kind, and he is very, very, very handsome. We have gone out a couple of times, and I tell you, he is an awesome conversationalist.  I have not dated in over 2 years, mainly by choice. Since going out with him, I am ready to get back into the dating game, and I want to get back into it with him. I have invited him over my house, which he has accepted. This will take place in two weeks. I am not sure at that time; if we will take our friendship to the next level, hint hint. Now, I guess you are wondering what is so major about my confession?  Well, here it is, my Mr. Oh So Right, is one of the Evangelist’s husband. Yes, I said it. I know that it is wrong. I am writing you not to be lectured, scolded, or judged. Why? Because like I said earlier, I love the Lord with all my heart.  I just want to get it off my chest; in addition, the Bible tells us to confess our faults one to another (James 5:16). Therefore, I am confessing this to you.
Signed
Found Love on A “Do Not Enter Street”

Dear Do Not Enter: 
     You have said more than a mouth full of confession. Yet, I am happy that you chose me to confess your faults. I somehow find it safe to say that there appears to be some suppressed and possibility repressed underlying issues concerning relationships in your past. However, only a therapist who can determine that. Nevertheless, I agree with what you said about not wanting to be lectured, scolded, or judged. I am a firm believer that it is not my job to do either of the three. It is the Word of God’s job. You see God’s Word is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).The Word gives us everything that we need which pertains to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).  I could say so many, many, many things to you, but you spoke volumes when you confessed that you know it is WRONG!!!! Yes, you are right James 5:16 (NIV) says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” not only will I be praying for you, but all the prayer warriors on the prayer line. In closing, I will remind you of this as I also remind myself and others that “Don't be misled--you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant (Galatians 6:7 NLT). Therefore, plant good seeds and run from seeds that may harvest death.  Remember, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22 NKJV). I think Mr. Do Not Enter found his good thing with his present wife; now let the Lord lead a man to find you, Ms. Good Thang. Keep in touch; I care.    
 Blessings Free
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